Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
