I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
