new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm like, not good at living.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
