Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
