Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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