btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
