Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
