Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
