i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
