Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
