See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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