i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
