I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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