Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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