Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
