whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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