we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just found puke in my bra..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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