But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
