Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
