if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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