She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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