She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
