she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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