there's paper in my vomit.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
