Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
