M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
