ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
