Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
