You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
