your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
