I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
