New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
