Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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