Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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