tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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