There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
