Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
