her vagine was all disorganized.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
