im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
