When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm sobbing to NWA
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
