how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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