He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
