my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
