defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
