I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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