Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
