Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
