omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
