Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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