gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
