A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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