i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
