I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
