things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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