Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
