If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
