Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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